Pizza in the skye

MONOLITH: Hey Dave, why is your sat nav on the driveway, in pieces?
DAVE: I got angry at it so I shouted "go to hell!" at it, and it took me to the mother-in-law's....

Open as usual.

Closed until Friday

DAVE: I took the missus to Thailand for our 25th anniversary last week.
MONOLITH: That was a nice thought, what are you thinking of doing for your 50th anniversary?
DAVE: Probably go and bring her back.

MONOLITH: Hey Dave, why do brides wear white?
DAVE:Well, it's tradition and something to do with purity, love and looking/feeling radiant on her special day.
MONOLITH: So why does the husband wear black?
DAVE:.....

DAVE: It's been raining all day and my girlfriend seems depressed by it, she's been stood at the window all this time, I'm a bit worried.
MONOLITH: Then maybe you could let her in?

MONOLITH: Dave, why do you humans hang bells around your cows?
DAVE: That's because their horns don't walk.

DAVE: What do you call a deer with no eye?
MONOLITH: No idea....
DAVE: What do call a deer with no eye or legs?
MONOLITH: Still no idea.....oh good grief!

DAVE: Tourists, I just want to envelope them in warmth and light.....preferably with a flamethrower.