Pizza in the skye

DAVE: I started to write a love song about my lunch tortillas, but it ended up a wrap song.

Hours were updated.

2 Days until winter closure....

MONOLITH: Oi Dave, what time is it?
DAVE: two thirty.
MONOLITH: Then go to the dentist and stop speaking like a child.

3 Days till closing for winter...
DAVE: So why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?
MONOLITH: Well if they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat.

4 Days until winter closure...
DAVE: Today I learnt that context is everything because "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" don't always mean the same thing.
MONOLITH: So where were you when you figured this out?
DAVE: A funeral....

Closing in 5 days.
DAVE: Where would you find a cow with no legs?
MONOLITH: Dunno?
DAVE: Pretty much where you left it.

Closing for winter in 6 days.
DAVE: What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of salad?
A chicken sees a salad....

Dave's Marriage Guidance Tips #22.
For Christmas or a Birthday gift buy your partner a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

MONOLITH: I saw that your buddy, The Tin Man was caught in the middle of his heist by a policeman on a road roller!
DAVE: Yeah, silly sod was foiled again.